Camilla Explains It All Part I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naW3R9YPT7Q&feature=youtu.be

We are the 15%

http://wearethe15percent.com/post/57083599587/christopher-camilla-jenelle-new-york-ny

Yep, that is my family in the picture. I identify as Black. My wife is White. Our child is blended, multiracial. (Black, White, Cuban, Seminole) We are part of the growing group of Americans in multiracial marriages. According to the most recent census, 15% of new marriages were interracial. So, we are excited to be a part of the project in the above link. But, you know, it's interesting. After posting this link on Facebook, there were many wonderful comments. Very cool actually. However, most of these comments focused on the picture. Are comments focusing on only the picture problematic? Not exactly. They are potentially missing the point. Here's why. These comments did not acknowledge the reason why the picture was on Facebook. Participation in a wonderful, thought-provoking, 21st Century project. It's not about the cuteness of the picture. It's about being a part of this. Celebrating a partnership still not fully embraced by American society. (If you doubt this, look at the reaction to that Cheerios commercial featuring a multiracial family.) Most importantly, posting this picture was validating my daughter's experience. This is what her family looks like. And there isn't anything wrong with that. The people who made these comments might have been showing their support by sharing some nice thoughts, but I still came away feeling a lack of affirmation of my daughter's identity. Did people even look at the site? I hope so. But, I did send a friend a link to the site, and she asked me what was the 15%, even though it was clearly explained on the website. Perhaps people were avoiding the obvious due to some level of discomfort acknowledging a topic connected to race. If that is the case, I challenge people, especially white allies, to lean into discomfort. Discussing race does not equal being racist.

As a black father of a lighter skinned daughter, I certainly receive looks often as I walk with her. Am I surprised? Nope. I am surprised that people are so transparent and obvious and that they are making a lot of assumptions about me and my situation. I wholeheartedly believe that people are entitled to their opinions. I don't have to respect or agree with them, but that is a right of this country. My daughter is reminded that we are a family. That her parents not only love her, but each other. That we are happy that we found each other. I certainly didn't wake up one day with a strong desire or preference to get with a white woman. I just found someone who understands me and loves me for who I am. I think I grew up picturing that I would marry someone who looked like me. Now, I can't picture being with anyone other than my spouse. Race just continues to dumbfound so much of our country. I feel there are people close to me fearful of acknowledging not just my race, but race in general. I don't think this is only because of a lack of the right vocabulary. I think this is more avoidance. None of this is easy, but working hard to not have conversations involving race can alienate people of color. Finally, I do hope that people avoid the concept of "color blindness" because it's not only impossible, given our country's history and the impact of the media, but also potentially disrespectful to "not notice" someone's race.

November 7

To my daughter,

At some point you will ask why November 7 is such an important day to your parents. Well, it was the day we were married, a celebration of our bond and love. Our love led to you and what a wonderful representation of that love you are. You might see us a little more affectionate than usual on the 7th. Try not to be too annoyed. 

November 7 is also a bittersweet day for us. We lost my grandmother, your great-grandmother in 2010. She would have loved to have met you and would have certainly cared for you and spoiled you as she did for me.  Your great-grandmother was hoping to meet you, but it was time for her to leave our presence. You will hear me reference her from time to time, using words and phrases that she used. We miss her and promise to share some of our favorite stories about her. Hopefully, these will help you understand why she was so important to us. We celebrate her life on November 7.

As you get older, we hope that you will spend time thinking about November 7. Mommy and Daddy will continue to find a way to celebrate our marriage and pay tribute to your great-grandmother. 

Love, 

Your father

November 7, 2012

Considering My Daughter's Library

I've received a lot of feedback about my "village" post. I promise to come back to that topic soon. Today, I wanted to discuss books for children. My 17 month old daughter and I went to a bookstore today for a reading and listening to the books shared made me think about some of the books I loved as a child. Some of my favorites revolved around characters such as Babar, Frances the Badger, and Frog and Toad. I wonder what books my child will love in a few years. Hopefully, they're not the books that are making up my list of books I'd rather my child didn't read. Let's start with the positives, books she seems to enjoy. Remember, I am speaking from the "I" perspective.

1) Any book with Elmo. She loves Elmo. No, I mean seriously.

2) It's O.K. to be Different by Todd Parr -  A New Classic. Celebrates diversity in such a wonderful way. Love Todd Parr. Thankfully, my daughter enjoys the look and language of the book. She calls the book, O.K.

3) The Foot Book by Dr. Seuss- It's actually a really fun book. My daughter loves the language, as do I. I basically have memorized it.

4) My Peanut Butter Big Brother by Selina Alko - This is a book I expected her to read in a few years, but she found it and loves the imagery. I never get to finish it, but it does have a lead character who looks more like my daughter.

5) She also has a "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" book that I sing over and over again to her. The book contains great visible diversity. I especially love the fact that there is a girl at the game, who is seen throughout the book.

There are some others that will make her rotation, but this are the ones I have read the most with her to date.

On to the flip side . . .

1) The Fierce Bad Rabbit. Love the title, but the book is about a rabbit who is fierce and bad and has his tail ripped off at the end of the story to teach him a lesson. WHAT? I don't want to share that with my child at any age.

2) Goldilocks and the Three Bears-Oh yeah, I'm going after a classic. This books features some innocent bears, who leave their house. Then, a strange girl does a B & E, eats their food, and sleeps in their beds. If someone did that to you, you would be livid. I'm not explaining to my child that it's ok for Goldilocks to do it, but the rest of us need to obey laws.

3) Cookie's Week - I'm a cat person and this book stereotypes cats.

There are more, but you'll have to come back next week. :)

My first official day as a stay at home parent

What a wonderful first day! I must say that it was quite action-packed. Here's a rundown.

1) After waking up, my daughter and I headed to Target to pick up big girl cups and art projects.
2) Breakfast!
3) Art time on her high chair table. Found some great stuff at Target! Her first Crayola products. Art is now proudly displayed in Mama's office.

4) After some play time, we headed to Story Time at the local library. Got to see my little one sing and play very well with other children. Very unselfish! By the way, the free play after the books and songs reminded me of something. I have been noticing how most parents I've seen lately distance themselves from their children in playgrounds. I think I'll stay a little closer than them, just to be safe.
5) Nap.
6) Lunch!
7) After lunch, we went to a local bookstore and checked on some books. A great place for children.

8) We found some time to Skype with Camilla's Nana. Always fun.

9) Home for a nap. Beating the rain!

10) Late nap led to quick snack, dinner, and play time until Mama arrived.

I am already loving this. She has even learned a few new words. The adventure has begun and it looks to be rewarding!

It Takes a Village

I must say that I am quite pleased with the village that surrounds my daughter. Thankfully, it's a collection of family members and people we have befriended over the years. I'm also thankful that these folks represent so many different constituencies and a broad spectrum of diversity. It is certainly not token representation either. Obviously, we value difference, and we want our daughter to as well. In addition, there is a wonderful support system in place full of friends and family. Whatever our daughter discovers about herself, she should have someone other than family to confide in.
It's interesting that despite this appreciation of difference, that I am thinking more and more about difference of opinion. Do we want our daughter to be exposed to someone who doesn't share some of our core values? Should we even have those people in our village? These are tough questions. At this point, I think it is most important for our "villagers" to have respect for all types of people. Tolerance is essential. One cannot use ignorance or privilege as a crutch or excuse for mean-spirited, thoughtless comments and actions. To be continued.

My Princess Diary

Here are some things that I have learned bother me as a father.

-Princess-I do not appreciate when someone calls my daughter, "Princess." I am not against my daughter having a princess phase. I certainly wouldn't push her away from something she likes at such a young age. However, I don't see enough examples of princesses that look like her. Let's move her away from the gender stereotypes and underlying message of entitlement. Please just call her by the name we painstakingly selected. 

-Clothes-Way too much pink out there for girls. Couldn't the design and the fact that it might be a dress be enough. My daughter happens to look quite nice in blue. I'm tired of stores telling me that she is better off in pink. Just to be clear, she does have pink apparel. However, I would appreciate some variety. Girls like superheroes and sports, too.

-I've had some people refer to me as Mr. Mom. I am not Mr. Mom. I am a father. I am a responsible parent. I am also quite capable as a dad, so you won't catch me making grilled cheese with an iron. 

My next entry: Hillary was right because it does take a village.