To See or Not to See: The Problem With Racial Colorblindness

My soon to be three year old daughter sees a person's color. It's as simple as that. She describes herself as brown, her mother as pink, and me, her dad, as a "different" brown. I bring this up because I feel there are still far too many people who believe in the concept of "racial colorblindness". I've encountered this concept as a student, teacher, director of diversity, family member, and parent. Even though people who I have heard say they are "colorblind" usually do so with the best intentions, that does not make it any less problematic. I ask those people to see me. I am Black. My Blackness is an essential part of who I am. Don't take that away from me, please. Accept it. Embrace it. Respect it. I would also ask not to deny a part of my daughter's multiracial background. What I would prefer is to not be solely defined by my color. 
Why is this concept so problematic? Because it is what I call classic diversity deflection. Many diversity themed discussions focus on some of the core diversity identifiers: race, socio-economic status/class, sexual orientation, religion, ability. What I have seen so often during my time as a director of diversity is that people are still quite fearful of discussions about race. They will say that we have already talked about this, which ignores and demeans the complexities of the topic. Or, they will deflect, unknowingly, the conversation to a different focus, usually class. Why that topic? Because it is one where people of different races can be on equal footing. And it helps people find a way to relate to racism. Once again, this happens with the best of intentions. However, it does take away from the task at hand, which is deconstructing racism. 

There are a few things you can do to recover from the affliction of racial colorblindness.
1) Understand that discussing race should not be feared.
2) If you are fearful of saying something that makes you sound racist, it's because you are racist. But guess what, according to an interesting theory, we are all recovering racists or purveyors of prejudice. Here is the theory explained.

"In America there are only racists and recovering racists. It is like alcoholism. There is no point at which you are rid of it completely – racist thinking is too much a part of American culture. No one completely escapes it, not even people of color." For more, click here.

3) To become a true white ally and/or anti-racist advocate, educate yourself. Seek help, but challenge yourself to broaden your knowledge on your own, because not all people of color want to educate white folks about their experience.
4) Expose yourself to the rich tapestry that is this country. You can do so through travel, film, books, and food. Yes, the internet can be helpful in this. 
5) Most people of color acknowledge they are people of color. You can, too. Just avoid doing this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0eJCZf7tNLs&feature=player_embedded

Finally, check out these articles that focus on the theory of colorblind. 

Colorblind Notion Aside, Colleges Grapple With Racial Tension

7 Things Your Colorblind Racist Friend Might Say to You and How to Respond

Defying Stereotypes

Although I write this blog as a way of processing my experience as a father, it has been so nice to have a handful of faithful followers support this effort. It's time I give props to each of them. I thank my wife, of course, and my friends, Lindsay and Lorne, for their continued support. In addition, I thank my mother for the opportunity to occasionally debrief one of my entries. It has been important for me to receive some affirmation for this work. Ok, back to the blog.

Two years ago, I made the decision to stay home with my daughter and walk away from a job and place of employment I truly enjoyed. At the time, it was one of the harder decisions I had to make. Thankfully, I had the support of my wife, who was really the only person who understood just how stressful the decision was for me, even though we basically made the call to do this during the summer before my last full year of working at that school. Towards the end of that final year there, the head of the school made an announcement about my impending departure later than usual, due in large part to my having been a finalist for two middle school division head positions. I eventually learned that there were people who for some reason didn't believe me. They felt that I must have been fired. There's no way I chose to be home with my daughter. I still remember the look of a former colleague who basically stinkfaced me when I told her why I was not returning. To be honest, I thank this person for that look, which in some ways reminded me to live life to the fullest. Without that look, I might not have developed an amazingly rich bond with my daughter, taken a photo with Jay-Z, been in a TimeOut Kids photo shoot and a CBS News report with my daughter, volunteered to be a class parent at my daughter's preschool, been in a segment on the Dr. Oz show, met Freckleface Strawberry herself, Julianne Moore, been able to teach English part time at an amazing organization for gifted students of color, and write this blog! To this day, I remain convinced that if I were a woman, the perception would have been quite different. It's never fun to be the one who is different. Trust me, I know this as a black man who has spent much of his life in independent schools and an interracial marriage. Hopefully, what I have done and will continue to do will affect some change of attitude. 

Close to a year ago, I joined a group with many other SAHDs (yes, we have an acronym!) I've thankfully connected with fellow dad bloggers (Shout out again to Lorne Jaffe and his blog!) and found a wonderful support network that I tap into when needed. I tell everyone that will listen that it's a good time to be an at home dad. 

Well, not everyone agrees with this. I recently watched a segment on the daytime talk show, Bethenny. The segment was to focus on SAHDs. Instead, it led to three SAHDs basically defending themselves and others from some old father and male stereotypes. Check out the segment here. The fathers were so fantastic. (Way to go, Lance Somerfeld, one of the founders of the dad's group I joined.) Thankfully, another one of the dads wrote an incredibly thoughtful response to the show experience. A must read! 

Look, I am not looking for sympathy. I know that there are still certainly advantages to my being a man. It just seems like it is time for more openmindedness and a willingness to not perpetuate antiquated stereotypes. I am proud to be a SAHD and grateful for this life changing opportunity. I will continue to use this blog as a way of affirming my SAHD status as well as my fellow fathers doing work. In addition, I promise not to use that acronym as much as I did in this entry. :) 

Supporting Mental Health

I wanted to share a recent segment from the ESPN show, Outside the Lines. It had a major effect on me as a parent. A parent can only hope that his or her child will receive the care and understanding that one deserves, especially at school. I feel for the parents of this young woman and hope others will not have to fill a similar loss. We must remember that there is no norm. We don't all think the same way or learn the same way or emote the same way. We are all different, and that must be embraced and respected. 

You can watch the video here.

Here is an article about this unfortunate incident here.